Conversations with Colin

No embellishments, exaggerations, or flat out lies are part of this tidbit. AKA my children are a product of well, me.

Colin: Mom there is something coming through my gum

Mom: Oh awesome Col, its your tooth. AT LAST!!!!

Colin: (nodding his head) Totally. Mom You’re the best

Mom: Thanks Colin. I really do try.

Colin: I see the effort. Good job Mom.

Mom: I would like to also thank the academy, naps, snacks….

Colin: Mom…its just a tooth

Moment…..ruined.

buzz

Tomorrow he will hate me and tell me I’m mean, but I’m taking this moment! Even if its JUST a tooth.

❤ Erin

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Ode to my Snoring Husband

Oh Husband, I really do adore you.

The way you play with the kids, say you love me

well it really does make my heart sing.

What doesn’t make my heart go pitter patter  however

is,

your snoring

Your snoring my dear, sounds like a chainsaw….in my ear

A snarling, grinding, snorting, god awful sound does come from your face

And now I sit up thinking about it

  to my dismay.

For years you denied it,

claimed “honey you’re lying”

No, no my darling you were only in denial.

For I hear your concert every night like a snoring recital

A new pillow we tried

Snore strips as well

I resorted to earplugs, but those are annoying if you could not tell

Permanent dark circles under my eyes

a Zombie Mom I’ll be.

To put up with your snoring,

oh woe is me.

So here I am typing this precious ode to you.

To you, snoring dear husband and how it makes me want to shank you.

*finger snaps*

❤ Erin

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Let’s go to the Movies

So last week I ventured out to take the kids to the movies, alone. I went in with the attitude of, “I’ve GOT this!” It honestly felt long overdue. The anxiety that can fall on me going out with both kids, is daunting. I’m always expecting: the gimmees, a tantrum, a bathroom break (or two), and not enough caffeine. However, the kids really wanted to see Paddington, and so a promise was made. Without further ado, here is what I witnessed.

1. Your school is closed for the day? Expect to see half of the school there.

The movie theater was basically ALL kids from our town’s elementary school. Every other minute my kids were waving, or shouting hello to a classmate. Mom’s, this is when you’ve reached “Cool Mom” status. All the cool Mom’s take their kids to the theater, noted. Also, major pat on the back for getting there early. Not exaggerating, there were no seats left when the movie started,

2. Your children will sucker you into something you wouldn’t buy them normally.

Icees, darn you luscious, syrupy sweet, artificially dyed, drinks of goodness. It was like a revolving door of their classmates getting these. As the concession boy looked at me, almost pleading with me to hurry up, I ordered them each an Icee. Would I regret this later, yes. Were they thrilled at the moment, yes. Handled.

3. All Mom’s had basically the same “uniform going”. Jeans, sweater/track jacket, scarf, ponytail, thick headband, and Uggs.

It was like “Basic Moms” unite. We were ALL wearing the same thing. I marveled at each Mom walking in with the same outfit, with little to no differentiation. I was both satisfied, and mortified that I fit in. Baa?

4. Mom “cliques” exist.

The Mom’s that were around me knew ALL the neighborhood gossip. They were talking about whose Husbands weren’t around. What Mom was letting herself go. Who’s kid is a brat. Trash talking other Mom’s. It was popcorn worthy, and this was before previews!

5. A Grandmother or two will be there.

How can hey be spotted? They do not give a flip what their grandchild is doing. They got their grandchild a kid tray of junk food, and proceed to let the child grind popcorn and candy into the floor. Kid is kicking your chair, hilarious! Kid is being loud, this is a great trait! I could not stop gawking at this woman next to me. The amount of trash she left behind, and what she let her grandson get away with was unreal.

6. Your child will find a way to still be embarrassing.

We were making it through perfectly. The three of us sat, shared popcorn, drank their syrup, or um drinks, and laughed at all the normal parts. Some of the Mom’s and I even connected a bit. Then, Alex made an announcement, “I have FARTED!” Loudly, was clearly how he felt this needed to be announced. The rows around us roared. My cheeks were flaming red with embarrassment, and Alex beamed with pride. I leaned over and quietly, yet firmly explained to Alex that we don’t say these things. The damage was done. The Mom’s snickered at me, and I’m pretty sure my “Cool Mom” membership was revoked.

7. Most importantly: It won’t be that bad.

I ended up regretting nothing. Ok, except the drinks. My children were BOUNCING off the walls for the next couple hours. I let it go about the fart joke. It is what it is. We didn’t need any bathroom breaks. I made them go before we left the house, and let them know there wouldn’t be any breaks. There were no tantrums. The kids sat, and behaved throughout the rest of the movie, and the movie was actually good!

There you go! I made it! Survived! Conquered! Even, though I might not be hanging out with some of these other Mom’s anytime soon, I still had fun.

❤ Erin

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Your Lips are Moving

I have been loving these Mom parody videos lately. To me, no one does them better than Deva from Mylifesuckers.com.  Her videos seem to always hit home for me, with a pretty humorous tone.

The latest video is to Meghan Trainor’s “Lips are moving”. How true is this video for us Moms!? I have felt like I have had to repeat everything lately. They have managed the fine art of tuning me out.

Yesterday my neighbor was over with her daughter. When we went to give them a 5 minute warning for clean up, they didn’t respond. We yelled upstairs, whistled, made all sorts of noises, and folks we got not a single response. Ironically I turned to my neighbor and said, “my lips are moving, right?” We both laughed about it and headed upstairs to round up the scoundrels.

Here’s the video,and I hope you enjoy Deva as much as I do!

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