Fresh Starts

Let me start this post off with how I felt 2014 ended. I feel like I, survived. I dreaded the first Christmas without my Mom. I decorated the house to the nines, and wanted to make everything special for the family. It was so outrageously forced. I wanted nothing more than to hibernate, have someone take care of me, and tell me when its over.

Everything came to a head when, a couple days before Christmas, I went grocery shopping. I miscalculated funds, had the wrong card with me, and low and behold, didn’t have money to pay for my grocery cart full of food. I was mortified. I left the store, declined for them to hold the groceries, and went home and cried. Correction, I sobbed, ugly cried, guttural sounds left my mouth. I cried until my the muscles in my face and chest hurt, cheeks burned, and my eyes were bloodshot. I held it together for too long.

Thank the lord for my husband. After deciphering my screaming crying on the phone, he set out to get any of the grocery shopping done. I told him I didn’t want to do anything else. I was done with Christmas.

Of course, I don’t completely “roll” this way. My Father-in-law and Sister-in-law came over Christmas eve. I made a quick shrimp scampi and hung out for awhile. I went into the basement after, and focused all my energy into wrapping. It was the first year I did it without Eli. Everything was going with the motions.

I was the first up on Christmas, a tradition I have had since I was little. Now that I have my own kids, I listen for the magic of them waking up. That squeal you get to hear of, “HE CAME! SANTA CAME!” is perfect. Christmas Morning with children is magic. We didn’t go overboard on the kids this year, and I was happy with that choice. Their favorite gift has easily been their Foosball table. As they played, I made our huge breakfast, and prepped for dinner.

Eli’s Mom came over, and the boys opened their gifts from her, and we gave her gifts from us. I made dinner pretty simple. It wasn’t over thought, elaborate, or ginormous. We had a pretty traditional Puerto Rican dinner. Roast pork, pastels (Puerto Rican equivalent of tamales), rice, green beans, and something else I am not remembering. Everything was good, and I just breathed, “its over”.

We ended the year better on our New Year’s Eve. We threw together a party in less than 24 hours. I invited one of my best friends and her family, and Eli invited his cousin, and their family over. There were 6 kids in the house, and the noise level was, high! We sent all the kids upstairs after they ate, and they played ALL night. No one could believe they stayed up to midnight! The ladies, had drinks, and played a game called Sequence at the table. The gents watched Ninja Turtles in the Family Room. It was low key, inexpensive, and just perfect.

My friends family stayed over, so it was great to host some friends for breakfast in the morning. The feeling of starting your New Year off surrounded by people you love, and value is priceless.

So, I made it through all the holidays without my Mom. I started my first new year, without having my Mom. Its hard, it hurts.This is why, I’m holding on for 2015 being my fresh start. This first couple months will be hard. There are a couple more milestones of this first year that I have to make it through. I feel certain, no one has ever said it would be easy.

Hopefully, I will think of some resolutions for this year. In the mean time, I still need to finish cleaning up from the New Year’s Party, and just enjoy the boys. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and lets see what 2015 has to offer!

❤ Erin

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6 thoughts on “Fresh Starts

  1. The holidays are hard on everyone, and add to that when there is an integral part of your family missing and that just makes it that much harder. I’m sorry you had such a hard time, but you can also learn from this Christmas on how to make the next one easier on you. What is life if not a long process of learning moments. 🙂
    #MommyMeetupMondays

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  2. I can’t imagine how unbelievably hard that must have been. I know what it’s like to miss loved ones during the holidays, it’s no fun! So glad it all came together well for you, though. It will get easier as time goes on and you find your new “normal”. Sending many hugs your way!

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!

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