I realized I missed an anniversary! It has been one full year since I left my job.The actual day was my Mom’s birthday. The distraction of the day probably made me bypass writing about it then. So I will take the time to go over how things changed.
Now my situation is clearly different. I left work to focus back on my family unit. That morphed into taking care of my Mom. I wouldn’t change that for anything. Those times are priceless in my eyes. Of course, the loss of my Mom has changed me. When I left a year ago I too had HUGE dreams for how being a Stay at Home Mom was going to be different this time. My house would be spotless all the time, a hot meal on the table every night, laundry wouldn’t sit in the washer, I would be in the best shape of my life, lunches out, and just be a better me.
Well, here is the reality of the transition.
There is still clutter here and there around the house. I am battling the boys to keep their room and playroom clean. Incentives are working nicely on this issue, but then I see Alex’s clothes on a barstool in the kitchen right now. Awesome. Everyday its the same thing with cleaning. Even though the boys have a playroom now, toys still creep downstairs. Cleaning the house is boring. There are only so many times I can dance to “Shake it Off: while mopping before it gets old.
Hot meals depend on the day. Take out is MUCH more scarce. Pat on the back for that! For awhile we did have it around more due to the chaos of all that was happening. Now that we have settled into a schedule it is easier to actually meal plan. There are still day’s where I just say, “lets get a pizza”, or “Hun can you just grab something”, but for the most part cooking is everyday.
My laundry still sits in the washer sometimes. It gets washed three times before it makes it over to the dryer. Once in the dryer it might not get folded for awhile. I SWEAR I am trying harder on that.
Best shape of my life, um, no. I of course gained weight when everything hit the fan earlier in the year. Then I lost weight only to sock weight back on. I have been active, but the stress I have put on myself has not helped. Now I convince myself that working out is part of my job, I have to do it everyday. That day was not yesterday. Just saying.
I don’t socialize much. This has been the hardest adjustment. I worked in a Call Center. So even if I didn’t get a chance to speak with friends, I was talking to people ALL day. Like many people now, I also use the Timehop app. At one point last week it showed up how I said “I forgot how quiet it can be”. I appreciated the silence last year. Now, its boring. I look forward to the afternoon bus stop. Three other moms, and myself gather about 20 minutes before the bus comes by to talk about our day. A couple come out with their afternoon coffee, one comes fresh from the beach in her Lily Pulitzer garb (she swears shes wearing one everyday until it snows), and I come in my yoga pants ready to gab. I don’t go out to lunches. I have to plan far in advance to go out with friends. My outings are usually solo. I walk to the farmer’s market, take a walk around town, or just do yard work. What I have learned is this is basically what we ALL do. As one of the Mom’s said the other day, “I wanted to get things done but just got stuck. By the time I looked at the time I came out here”.
I think a lot of Stay at Home Moms think its going to be different. We see those few Moms out there with their lunch groups, playdates, happy as can be. I am usually an outgoing person. This has made me realize, I’m only an outgoing person with people I know. I’ve realized how shy I am around new people. One of the most paralyzing moments I’ve had here was back to school night for Alex. Eli stayed with the kids, and I knew NO one at the school. They had a 15 minute social time in the cafeteria. I stood in the corner texting Eli how awful this was. His response was to go socialize. Fun fact, he would be doing the same thing!!!! I was so happy when they told us to go to the kids rooms. Things were better at family fun day when I ran into neighbors, and a couple of the kids friends parents.
Clearly I need goals for the next year. My most important goal, to be happy. I think once you’re happy other things fall in place. I need to stick with my plans more. When I get stuck in a rut and things pile up, it just gets more overwhelming. Working out is a must, I know I feel better after I do it, some days I just don’t feel like it. I’m not going to say that I need to get friends. I have friends, and I am more than happy when I see them. However, I need to get a friend in town. So, my goal will be to go out on a coffee date with a friend in town. There, that is reachable.