Birthdays are a funny thing

So, checking in here. Today was my Mom’s 69th birthday. It was a day I was dreading, having panic attacks about, and hoping it wouldn’t come. Like all days of the year, it arrived. It just so happened that today the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition was having a walk for Ovarian Cancer in my state today. It seemed to fitting to do this for my Mom. As my friend Alyssa put it, “Your Mom loved to volunteer for so many things, she would love that you did this for her.”

I felt I was doing ok for most of the event. I certainly got teary eyed when I posted my Mom’s picture on the Memory wall. It was saddening to walk past the survivor tent knowing I couldn’t have her put a handprint there. I wrote her a Happy Birthday message and pinned it up for her. Then they had their opening ceremony. It was empowering to hear the survivor stories. I was also envious that they are here and my Mom isn’t. It startled even Alyssa to hear how there is not a diagnostic test for Ovarian Cancer. It is still rattling how vague the symptoms are. What finally sent me over the edge was when they had us all yell out who we were there for. It was a roar of names. With that, they released a flock of doves. The host called out they carried the names and were heading up. The tears just flowed. Not just for me, but all around. It was moving, beautiful, and yet peaceful.

Once all the opening ceremony was done, we headed out for our walk. It was good to know I was walking for a cause, and it was for my Mom.

Alyssa and I

Alyssa and I

After the walk we headed over to a store called Cabela’s. This place is NUTS! It is a outdoors store, so it has all your hunting, boating, atving, fishing, and camping gear. The store also has a wildlife (um stuffed) display, aquarium, restaurant, and gun shooting game. We spent a good amount of time just goofing off and checking everything out. If you want to see what I’m talking about I would say check out the store page here.

We then headed over the Cheesecake Factory and indulged in an ungodly amount of calories. It was a good way to spend Mom’s birthday.

When I came home I just spent the day outside weeding, pruning, decorating for fall, and resting. It was quiet. I didn’t hear from anyone, but perhaps I shouldn’t have expected to? The feeling was unsettling to not pick up the phone and call Mom at all today. I am past the part of reaching to call her. I know shes not there. However, I have this gem on my computer from 2 years ago. It was from taking Mom to the Science Center with the Boys. She picked where we went, and it was a great day.  We had closed it out at the Rainforest Cafe with a comical birthday song.

 

IMG_0889 IMG_0893 IMG_0899She goofed around, had fun, laughs, and was healthy. I am thankful for that birthday. I watched a video I had from that day a couple days ago. At first, it made me cry, a lot. Then, I watched it again today (a couple of times), and it just made me smile. I miss her, but its a piece. I wish we could have done something this year together. I so wish we could have done that repeat Disney trip she wanted, or Alaska cruise. It just was not meant to be. I figure I have one milestone down, and I’ll push to the holidays.

Enjoy the video! Perhaps you too can see the joy in my Mom’s face, and the happiness in the moment.

 

 

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