Stage 4. That’s what has been said. It was outright said that she will never be cured of this. The cancer just keeps growing back and she’s having other complications. I stayed strong as her eyes glazed over with tears. I made sure the doctor told her she has to keep fighting. We can’t allow her to just give up.

I went downstairs, got more coffee, and spoke with my sisters. I felt weak when one of my sisters asked if I needed her to come down. I’m a very proud person, and don’t like to ever ask for help.She’s been with me each step of the way and knows how this feels. I started to cry and said I would need to get back to her.  It felt almost like a confirmation of how I felt, weak.

There is something to be said about how people can read you in a hospital. I was in the lobby, and I’m sure a couple people heard some bits and pieces. Pity, that’s what you see, pity. It’s a terrible feeling that made me shake. It makes it real. Thankfully, Eli called me after I text him and god bless him told me, ” whatever you need and she needs I’m here.” He even offered if she wanted we could move in with her. He calmed me down and I went back up. She’s was ok and I ordered her some lunch. We discussed how she needs to fight and figure out these complications but nothing should ever be taken as a death sentence.

Well folks, I went to get lunch and came back to my Mom talking about giving up.  Then I proceeded to tell my mom that I would be mad, really mad if she gave up. Unless she’s in a vegetative, coma, endless painful state, I would be freaking pissed. My heart aches for her. I needed so badly to get this off my chest. I’m still here with her for another half hour, but this is a roller-coaster.

One thought on “Raw

  1. I pray that your Mom will keep fighting this! I’m also sorry to hear about your relationship with your oldest sister. I think it’s awesome that you are trying to stay strong for your Mother. And it’s a blessing that you have such a supportive husband!

    – Shar


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