Raw

Stage 4. That’s what has been said. It was outright said that she will never be cured of this. The cancer just keeps growing back and she’s having other complications. I stayed strong as her eyes glazed over with tears. I made sure the doctor told her she has to keep fighting. We can’t allow her to just give up.

I went downstairs, got more coffee, and spoke with my sisters. I felt weak when one of my sisters asked if I needed her to come down. I’m a very proud person, and don’t like to ever ask for help.She’s been with me each step of the way and knows how this feels. I started to cry and said I would need to get back to her.  It felt almost like a confirmation of how I felt, weak.

There is something to be said about how people can read you in a hospital. I was in the lobby, and I’m sure a couple people heard some bits and pieces. Pity, that’s what you see, pity. It’s a terrible feeling that made me shake. It makes it real. Thankfully, Eli called me after I text him and god bless him told me, ” whatever you need and she needs I’m here.” He even offered if she wanted we could move in with her. He calmed me down and I went back up. She’s was ok and I ordered her some lunch. We discussed how she needs to fight and figure out these complications but nothing should ever be taken as a death sentence.

Well folks, I went to get lunch and came back to my Mom talking about giving up.  Then I proceeded to tell my mom that I would be mad, really mad if she gave up. Unless she’s in a vegetative, coma, endless painful state, I would be freaking pissed. My heart aches for her. I needed so badly to get this off my chest. I’m still here with her for another half hour, but this is a roller-coaster.

One thought on “Raw

  1. I pray that your Mom will keep fighting this! I’m also sorry to hear about your relationship with your oldest sister. I think it’s awesome that you are trying to stay strong for your Mother. And it’s a blessing that you have such a supportive husband!

    – Shar

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s